Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just want to make out with him forever
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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