The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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