the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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