my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
