Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She bit a glass in half.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
