He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
