Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
