As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
