Sponge bath it is.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
