I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
