Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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