I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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