He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
