it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I deserve this hangover.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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