he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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