sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
