Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
