lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize