i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
