Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
