I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
