we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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