I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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