So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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