my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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