Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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