I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
