dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she smelled like a LAN party
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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