Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
