barbara walters just said penis...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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