Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Life is so much better after having sex.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize