Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
