Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
