he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
