I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
