we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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