Someone shit on the floor
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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