you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize