its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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