After last night, I could never be a politician.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
