I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
