Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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