Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
