This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
