Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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