I must be too annoying 4 u.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
