well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
