i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
