I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
