Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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