You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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