thus making me awesome and them whores
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
