just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
