There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize