So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize