Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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