I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
