a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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