sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize