Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
