last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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