Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
your room smells of hookers.
And success
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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