I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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