finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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