Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
