whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
